feel like crying

...juz came back from tution....i feel terrible, like i did something real bad....but i didn't...

i dont know wats happening, i guess it was because i heard jq said that if i dont want the place in science stream...give it to her.....for the past three weeks, i knew, without anyone telling me, i suck in add math....but does that stop me from going into science strem? i love science....i'm mad, sad, dissapointed and upset and just feeling real down...



i'm dissapointed because my best fren, jq, didn't understand me enough to actually suggested that if i get the place in science stream n she didn't get it, give it to her...how could she say that?! i mean, she thought that i'de actually give up my chance to study in science stream juz because i'll suffer 4 my math??? if i was me 1 year ago, i would have, but not any more...sad to say, i can predict what will happen next to my frienship with her in the future....she changed, i changed...we are both in different classes, mixing different types of ppl who hate each others....there's no longer a topic that could make us sit down together and chat 4 hours...



i'm mad because of also what jq said, how could she b so unconfident about herself?? i mean since form 1 , my results has onli twice been a bit... than her's but still i NEVER NEVER EVER thought my results were beter than hers...she was alwas so hard working, studying when i was still asleep, cracking her head about math that i just trew one side....i had high hopes for her... though uncomfortable to most ppl, i always hoped she could get good results...she was most of the time the cherry 1, laughing in the face of trouble, gigling over and somehow past through it, i've often asked for her advice on stuff, she's more matured, and now, suddenly i realised that she ment what she said, she thought i could get into science stream, and thought she couldn't make it???? i might have, like what one of my friends told me, been proud of my ability to do ok in class without studying, i know that too, i also know that if i could work harder, i could do better, which is why she's one of my role models. to become more hard working.....



i'm upset because my math tution teacher has high hopes on me, and i dont like dissapointing ppl. bt i really cant understand whats happening....why does x have to bring over to the other side? why does the y suddenly become 2x?? all this questions swim in my head throughout the class, and though i tried asking, no teachers, till now understands what i ask in math....



so what do u get when mad+dissaponted+upset? sad, down....tears

i HATE math

add math was as usuall, tough....during the whole lesson, i not only had to strugle to keep my eyes open( ok, tat part was probably my fault for sleeping only at 2 this mornin...=p) , but the worst thing is.........

I DONT UNDERSTAND A WORD THE TEACHER'S SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haiz...mayb i shouldn't take science stream after all....even if i do get into science stream....
n to think, there's still fiziks, chemistry, biology, modern math....
when will i, then, have time to spend time on computers???(main concern XD )

anyway, my dad knew about me creating a blog n wanted me to make full use of it.
how? u might ask.....
my dad wants me to write in info about our family trip to NZ three years ago.....(swt!!!)
three years....so i guess u could understand how shock i was.
He even wanted me to write about my trip singapore 2 years back n thailand trip during the June hols...
mayb i will, when i'm in a gd mood...
(wanna know the real reason? well, my dad had a friend who went to thailand every 3 months n put in all the info's in his blog, so when my dad asked him for his advice about the trip to thailand, he juz said-read my blog. my dad liked the way he put it.....n so, when he knew i had a blog.....)

am i an idiot?

have u ever seen or heard of sum1 who actually makes a blog juz so tat she can post her comment?
i'll bet i'm the first...guess i'm either too emotional?n feels tat it's sth i have to do.
hey, but making m own blog makes me feel kinda proud of myself.
y? u might ask...well, tis is considered a rather sucess for a computer illiterate...T.T

though, personally, i did in fact have sum of my own reasons y i never thought of creating a blog.(never?)

1)my brother had once said tat once said tat once anything u put on blog is out, it's not a personal thing anymore, especially, for someone like me, who cant keep anything once i'm really mad n gets out of my mind, things might get out of hand. n so, i understood wat my bro mean.
2)there was once an article about internet flooding with blogs n ppl juz cant find the correct information.
i kinda agree. cause....sumtimes when there r assignments to do, n u have to find info's, typing it on the net is easy, but the reading part is a headache. u get pages n pages of anything tat has those words tat u typed in it n after reading, being dissapointed because those r not wat u want. the worst part is tat u stay up the hole night reading n reading n find nothing....make u, no mayb not u guys if u're used to these but it makes me feel like i want to cry...=p
3)the MOSt important one of all....my eyes....i hope to keep it in good condition till as long as possible. i mean ur eyes r going to be with u till the last days of ur life(how did i get here? y so negatif geh?) so i want to keep it in tip top condition...if possible. but frm wat i'm doing everyday now, during the hols, (reading comic on9, watching tv, dvd, youtube, anime's, n reading in the dark every moring[1-2am], spending time on coputers till early morning....ect...)is it even possible???

well, i'm not dicouraging u guys, i mean, since i have my own blog now....
it is i guess good to have a place to realease everything, bt not too much, cause, u dont know who's reading tis rite?

but, on the other hand, i guess it was also due to other causes,
my few other friends had for quite a while been naging me to create a blog...
but i guess i was juz plain lazy.