i used to have a great friend i always worry about. worry about her studies, worry about how she coping with all the bad luck she's having.
it's a mixed feeling really. i feel mad at her, but happy for her yet confused with a touch of jeolousy. and have you ever wondered why is jeolousy spelt as jeolousy? case it's a 'lousy' feeling.
she has the worst luck i've ever seen in anybody. but yet, as i told her, she is also the strongest person i know. therefore, i truely think she deserves the happiness she is having now, it's the least fate could do for her.
her studies were never fantastic, but now, when i ask, she'll happily tell me of how she is a fast learner and passed all her papers.
she used stick to herself. sitting quietly at 1 corner doing her stuff wheen no one talks to her. when i ask her to mix around, she ask me why should she do that? "they want to talk, talk la, i what also ok de. whatever la."
she used to tell me stories of how popular she was in her old school. but now, she doesn't tell me anything anymore because she's too busy.
she used to say how she sometimes felt like dying or the quarrels she had with her mom. i bet now, she'd give anything to live another day in her happy college life.
she used to call me, and we chat for hours. now i when i call her, it lasted only 12 minutes, with me left on the other end of the telphone line feeling hollow on the inside. it was the longest 12 minute phone call i ever had.
and i?
i loved hthe carefree-ness she had
i loved the spark of self confidence she had once in a while
i loved the way she bully guys
i loved the way she talk
i loved the way she would glare and dare people to hit her back
but...i also started to hate the few people who dumped her and talked bad about her during her tough period for her when i dont even have people i hate myself.
:(
i miss her very very much.
she is now a pretty, confident, briliant and most of all a happy girl of 17. and one of the main causes that helped me release myself from facebook addiction because everytime i go online, she's there posting happy pictures of herself and her friends which reminds me greatly of what's happening.
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i'm pissed off about the fact that she is totally disconcerned about me to not even feel happy when i called and told me that i changed to be so 'luo suo' when the fact is that the person who changed the most, is her.
i'm pissed off about the fact that, when she wanted to forget her past because it's so painful, she left me behind, someone she used to call a friend she trust.
i'm pissed off about the fact that she told me she didn't contact anybody from secondary school. but i see her chatting with the exact people she made me hate for a period of time in secondary even if they are now in the same college she's in.
i pissed off at how she did not even care to spend a few minutes of her many facebook hours to drop by my wall n just post a 'hi' or 'hey, no worries, i still rmb you'
and most of all, i pissed off at the fact that i was wrong when i told myself, "this girl and i, we are going to go a long way in the future" . or maybe i wasn't, i've no idea. but i cant believe that this post, is going to officially be the most tear inducing post to type since i started it. and i'm typing this in college library, those people must think i'm nuts. but like i said, it was unexpected.
i guess now i dont have to decide who to dump, my bro or her on 31st of oct to celebrate a special day.
wonder if i'll ever ask her to read this. guess she wouldn't read it even if i had. she's too busy, plus she doesn't like philosophy. she'll say, 'aiya, whatever la'
to this friend of mine:
like you said, whatever la. if i continue being upset or emo about this, i'm gonna sound like a total dumped-ex-lover, which is purely disgusting, being the fact that i'm a really normal girl.
lets be happy. i'll learn to accept that you might not care for me as a friend as much as i do. but it'l be alot easier if you could help me with it. what do you say? xian? *hugs*
